Banish Mommy Guilt with This Letter From Your Child

Mommy guilt seems to be a rite of passage into motherhood. Is it cultural, or has mom guilt plagued mothers for millennia? 

Regardless of its origin, mommy guilt is a real problem for many of us. Find out how to deal with it in a constructive way, and read an empowering letter written from the perspective of a child. 

“Don’t eat your food off the ground.”

Those were the last words I said before writing this post.
Motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be, in the awesome ways and the challenging ways. I have two boys, ages 3 and 1. Needless to say I am constantly cleaning dirt off them and refereeing fights over toys 🙂

I am NOT a perfect mother — my kids watch too much TV, I let them eat junk food (sometimes), and our house is a mess. 

An Intense Mommy Guilt Moment

A few days ago I experienced one of the most obvious examples of my mommy imperfections. We were eating lunch when my 3 year old started to choke on ½ a grape.

I tried not to panic, thinking he would cough it up. He kept alternating ear piercing screams with no noise whatsoever (a much scarier sound).

No words can describe the helplessness I felt in that moment. After realizing it was not getting better, I called 911. They were great and talked me through it.

Thankfully, the grape came up before the ambulance arrived. It would have been easy to spend all day beating myself up over failing to educate myself on the proper procedure for that situation.

While I did engage in a little self-bashing, I had to choose to forgive myself. Giving myself grace is one of the hardest lessons of motherhood.

Typical Forms of Mommy Guilt

It seems there is always something for us to feel guilty about as moms, if we allow ourselves to “go there.” Thankfully these feelings don’t apply in every situation, but a lot of moms experience these feelings.

• Working mom guilt entails missing out on time with little ones. Moms worry about missing special moments and milestones that happen almost daily. Here are 10 bible verses to help with working mom guilt.
• Stay-at-home-mom guilt focuses on the lack of financial contribution to the family, and for not using their professional skills. Moms feel bad that their kids don’t have as much, materially speaking. To find out the one sentence to help you conquer SAHM guilt, read this post.
• Work-at-home-mom guilt stems from being distracted at home, because it’s hard to “shut off” work mode. They worry they’re not playing enough with their kids, or spending enough time cleaning.
• Health-conscious moms feel guilty for not letting their kids eat candy and sugar.
• Less crunchy moms feel guilty for not serving veggies at every meal,  worrying it will stunt their child’s growth.
• Strict moms feel guilty about their disciplinary methods and wonder if they are being too hard on their child.
• More permissive moms feel guilty about letting things go and wonder if their child will turn out to be inconsiderate.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Whatever we do, we wonder if there is a way to do it “better.”

Our human limitations and imperfections seem to scream at us from every corner. Why are these voices so strong in motherhood?

As difficult as it is to silence these wonderings, there is a reason for them. That’s because mom guilt shows you care about your child.

I love this quote from Lauren at Scary Mommy,

The fact that I foolishly feel guilt over anything and everything proves that I really want to do what’s best for my kids. That realization alone allows me to breathe a big sigh of relief.

So the next time mommy guilt creeps up behind me, ready to take a bite, I’m going to turn around to face it. I’ll give it a hug and thank it for reminding me just how much I love my kids.

Mom guilt is going to happen. It’s what we do with it that matters.

Related Post: Are You a Stressed Mom? 7 Easy Ways to Find Relief

A Christian Response to Mom Guilt

As Christian moms, we have powerful words from God to help us deal with mom guilt. Realizing it as a tool of Satan to steal our joy, we can declare victory over it with the following bible verses for dealing with guilt:

• “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). We are washed and sanctified in Him – he covers all our guilt and mistakes. He is our perfection.
• “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10). Ask yourself – what is the real source of your mom guilt? Many times, it’s based on the expectations of other moms, and what we *think* they are doing perfectly. The fact is, they are probably looking at you and noticing something you are better at than they.
• “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Psalm 118:8). In raising our kids, we can’t place the burden of everything on our shoulders. We will make mistakes as parents. God will always be there for your child, and trusting His care frees you from the need to be perfect.

Practical Ways to Deal with Mom Guilt

• Memorize the verses above and recite them when guilt strikes
• Pray about it, asking God to help you see yourself in a realistic light
• Take a break from social media
• Acknowledge it when it happens, reminding yourself why it’s there (you want the best for your kids)
• Read the letter below

The Way I See You, Mom {a letter from your child}

To end this post, I’ve written a letter through the eyes of a child. Imagine your child saying this to you – I am fairly certain that these are the words your child would say to you, if they could.

Dear Mom,

I notice the many hours of lost beauty sleep. You are more beautiful because of your sacrifice. 

I notice how you endure the messes – in the house and all over you – and all the showers you have to skip. You make me feel I can always be myself around you.

I notice the time you spend playing games with me and attending my extracurricular events instead of pursuing your own hobbies. I’ll never forget you being there.

I notice you giving up a more indulgent lifestyle to give me the best care and opportunities you can. I see all the ways you take care of me, and it makes me feel loved. 

I notice the energy you exert taking me to Bible class, worship, and teaching me about God. I’m closer to heaven because of it, and I can never thank you enough.

With Love from Your Child

The thing is, your child doesn’t care about all of the “extras.” They don’t want you to be the perfect mom. 

They simply want you to be their mom, and to be happy.

If you love them, take care of them, and meet their basic needs, that’s all your child cares about. Truly.

The mom guilt? It doesn’t come from your child.

Related post: How to Stop Comparing Yourself and Start Being Content

Do you struggle with mommy guilt? How do you cope?

With Joy,

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