Why We Stopped Overfilling Our Family’s Schedule
Why is slow living so important for the family culture? And why did our family opt out of the go-go-go mentality? Read on to find out.
Our families are starving for margin. Let’s talk about it.
The family is the backbone of the church. So if your individual family unit is going a hundred directions and not thriving, that will affect the church as a whole.
My husband is in ministry so we live super far away from all our extended family, and have for nearly our entire marriage (with one stint overseas as well.) We’ve both had to navigate significant health issues and other big life challenges without the built-in support system of parents, siblings, lifelong friends, etc. This is an invisible weight that so many families carry, and it can happen in various careers.
We learned early on that having extra margin in our family schedule wasn’t just nice, it was essential. If that meant forgoing sports to reduce stress, we did so. If it meant letting go of an extracurricular event or trip to avoid overextending ourselves, we did what we had to do, even if others didn’t understand.
Family time is more important than sports.
Family time is more important than events.
Family time is more important than wearing the “I-can-do-it-all” badge.
If doing the activities I’m doing means I am a less effective wife and mother, I can’t be involved. Full stop. Because it’s taking me away from my #1 God-given responsibility to be a “keeper at home.”
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
– Titus 2:4-5
The list of activities and responsibilities a person can reasonably take on without affecting their family culture will look different for each family. This will vary depending on the family’s support system, daily schedule, career goals, health status, energy capacity, mental & emotional health, & what God is leading them to.
I’m not interested in wearing “busy” as a badge of honor. I’m interested in having a close, connected family and soaking in as many happy memories as possible before our kids grow up.
I’m interested in helping my kids develop spiritually and have a safe space to ask the hard questions. I’m interested in having a solid marriage where we still laugh and have fun together after nearly 20 years.
And if me doing things differently and not trying to be superwoman empowers another mom to do the same and operate within her God-given capacity, I’m happy with that!
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If I am always operating at max capacity, I have no room for anything to go wrong. I’ll snap at my husband or kids. I’ll miss personal Bible study or prayer time.
I’ll lose sleep, and my health will suffer. I’ll have no time to be creative and fill my cup, so I’ll be cranky. I’ll cut corners with nutrition and homemade meals. I’ll be operating on survival mode with no time to really sit down, look my kids in the eye, and connect with them one-on-one.
Obviously, we all go through times where something has to give and all of our needs aren’t being perfectly met. That’s life. We lean on God during those times.
But if we are operating from a place where we are CONSISTENTLY overbooked and over scheduled, we must ask — “Am I being wise? Am I being a good steward of the life and family God has given me?”
I want to live in a world where it’s more than okay to say no, where we trust one another to know what we can handle— where we even applaud others for acknowledging their boundaries and living within their capacity.
When we lived in Europe, this was the norm. The most basic workers received 6 weeks vacation time per year, minimum. And, it was expected that everyone took their full time off, with longer “holidays” (2-3 week trips away from home) being typical. School days began a bit later. Summer schedules were less crowded and expectations were just generally lower. It was a breath of fresh air.
Then we came back to America and I was reminded of the go-go-go mentality and I was like, “Oh yeah. This is not it.”
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I’m reminded of the pace Jesus kept. He was probably the busiest man on earth, but He didn’t do everything — and sometimes that meant people felt disappointed. He didn’t heal every person. He didn’t respond to every demand. He took time away, alone, to pray. He said, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to finish His work” (John 4:34).
A wise Christian woman once told me to go through the Bible and read what God actually commands women to do. It’s always centered around the home, not just the congregation/church. Because God knows, the home is the backbone of the church. And He wants your home to thrive, not just to survive.
How does your family navigate this issue? Do you protect & prioritize margin and family time?
