How Bitterness Quietly Trapped Me—and Kept Me From Experiencing God’s Goodness

Recently, I realized something uncomfortable: bitterness had quietly taken root in my heart. The sin of bitterness and negativity can be sneaky and feel harmless at first, but let’s look at how it slowly steals our joy.

Bitterness is a Trap

One day, I paused to examine the thoughts taking up space in my mind, and I realized a lot of them were centered around feeling bitter, angry, and negative about things that had happened in my life.

I had been reading a lot about the power of positivity and dwelling on good things to improve health. This is different from spiritual bypassing and ignoring trauma, which can actually impede growth. I’ve been reading Jan Rothney’s Breaking Free about calming the nervous system, which has a huge impact on healing. So, I started taking inventory of my thoughts, and it was sobering.

Bitterness and negativity feel easy in the moment, but the woe-is-me pity party always leaves a bitter aftertaste. Here’s how it goes: we think about all the things we wish happened differently in life. Or, what we wish that person had done differently. And we feel justified, believing we deserve good outcomes, and that what we got instead was unjust.

But, in the end, bitterness and negativity leave us with depression and a weakened faith. It strips away our power, because we forget that the power of the Holy Spirit is inside us guiding us, and that God works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

Read next: 30 Bible Verses for Depression

My Bitterness Battle

For me specifically, over a decade of chronic health issues was my bitterness trigger. As I healed physically, I was grateful to be feeling better, but I wrestled with lots of “why did this happen?” thoughts. And I would often ruminate on “if only” thoughts. They went something like this:

“If only I hadn’t dealt with chronic illness, I would have…”

…encouraged more people

…been a better “minister’s wife” (or, my own version of what I thought that looked like)

…done more fun things with my kids

…experienced better friendships

…been able to travel more

…been able to have more children

…had more opportunities in my career

But then when I’m really honest with myself, I realize I also gained things through the hard experiences I went through.

Because of chronic illness, I…

…actually started this blog/business (very imperfectly at first, but it keeps growing)

…learned how to actually take care of and nourish my body (which has had a huge positive domino effect on my family)

…saw a glimpse of what other people go through in life

…am a lot more compassionate to others

…am a lot less judgmental of others

…value every happy moment spent with my family so much more (I soak things in now)

…have more wisdom as a mother, because I see the world differently

I still have so much to learn. But without the hard things, there’s no way I would have learned the lessons listed above.

Related post: 5 Things God Wants You to Know as a Chronic Illness Sufferer

In essence, bitterness is a lack of trust in the Lord and His working in my life.

God often has plans for us we are not interested in. I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot in Secure in the Everlasting Arms, “He makes us wait. He keeps us on purpose in the dark. He makes us walk when we want to run, sit still when we want to walk, for He has things to do in our souls that we are not interested in.”

I love that. The very thing you feel is keeping you from your dream life or even from “doing God’s will” (or so you think) is often the very thing that God is using to accomplish His purposes.

You think you have it all mapped out: where you’ll live, who you’ll marry, what level of health you’ll experience, what your children will be like, what career you’ll pursue. You think you know the way your life is going to go… but you absolutely do not. God’s plan will prevail, and sometimes that includes pain.

But when I kick against that plan… when I think I know better and God must’ve made a mistake… when I get angry with how things turned out… I’m not trusting Him. And that creates bitterness and negativity.

From Daily Bitterness to a New Morning

Jeremiah experienced this in Lamentations 3. He starts off the chapter saying, “I am the man who has seen affliction under the rod of his wrath; he has driven and brought me into darkness without any light; surely against me he turns his hand again and again the whole day long.” He goes into great detail, expressing the difficulties he has experienced in his lament.

In verse 15 he literally says, “He has filled me with bitterness; he has sated me with wormwood.”

He says his soul has no peace and he has forgotten happiness. He ruminates on it.

“Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.” (Lamentations 3:19-24)

This is such a raw, honest journey that I’m so thankful to see. We see someone in deep pain and grief… processing and ruminating on it over and over again. He feels stuck there and unsure how he’ll ever see the light.

I think this is where a lot of people get stuck today. They get stuck on the hamster wheel of endless therapies, counseling, modalities, trauma work (which are all helpful in different ways). But they still feel stuck. And I think that’s because they are missing the God piece, which is the realization Jeremiah comes to next.

His hope comes bursting through when he remembers WHO HIS GOD IS. He serves a God who is not bound by the past and is not hampered by his difficulties. A God whose love is steadfast, steady, and constant. A God who is more than enough.

And he realizes: I can have a fresh start. A new morning. Hope. And you can, too.

The Years the Locusts Have Eaten

Years ago a lady at church told me she was going to pray for me to restore the years the locusts have eaten. This comes from Joel 2:24-26,

“The threshing floors shall be full of grain;
    the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.
I will restore to you the years
    that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
    my great army, which I sent among you.

You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
    and praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has dealt wondrously with you.”

The idea is, God can redeem the years of famine or difficulty we experience. We all want that —what an incredible God we serve! He’s the only one who can take emptiness and make it overflow with blessings, and restore the brokenness of the past.

But when we dwell on bitter thoughts, He cannot give us the joy and restoration in the same way. We don’t get to fully experience His goodness because we are preoccupied.

In my case, not only did I lose time and experiences during the hard years (the years of the locusts), I lost even more when I allowed bitterness in. I allowed Satan to steal even MORE time by dwelling on negativity. No more!

That said, there’s no shame or condemnation in this process. It’s normal to go through a bitterness season after years of famine, and as Christians we can be forgiven (praise God!). But we need to recognize it and reverse it so we can go on to experience the blessings God has for us.

Thank God for the Fleas

I recently heard a story of Corrie Ten Boom and her sister, Betsie from the book The Hiding Place. They were in a concentration camp due to trying to rescue Jews during the Holocaust. They were in the most miserable cell block 28, which was infested with fleas.

Betsie told her sister they needed to pray based on 1 Thessalonians 5, to give thanks in all circumstances. To thank God for the guards, the beds they had, and the women in the cell they could share Jesus with. She said they should even thank God for the fleas, at which Corrie protested. How could they possibly be thankful for fleas? But, Betsy reminded her, “it says be thankful in all circumstances.” So they did.

Their cell block soon turned into a worship and Scripture study zone, with more and more prisoners joining in. Betsie passed away in the camp, but later after their release Corrie was able to speak to one of the guards and discover why they had never disturbed the worship and Bible studies (which were illegal).

He said to her, “It was because of the fleas.” None of the guards wanted to enter cell block 28 because of the flea infestation.

What Corrie thought there was no possible way to thank God for—fleas—God faithfully used for His glory to spread His Word to more people.

There are “fleas” in all our lives that feel pointless, and we wonder how God can possibly use them for good. But, He can. Because that’s the God we serve.

When I truly realize that God can be trusted fully and His plan for my life is best, there’s no more room for bitterness and negativity. I can rest and receive joy, instead.