Find out how to be a submissive wife and what the bible really says about biblical submission. Plus, learn 5 easy ways to submit to your husband and shower him with love every day!
When Being a Submissive Wife Doesn’t Come Naturally
We argued before bed, and I tossed and turned.
Tired of his tools and clutter laying around, I aired my frustrations in no uncertain terms. I loudly spoke my truth, and there was no stopping me.
“Why do I feel so terrible now?” Deep down, I knew I could have shown more grace and kindness.
The next day, while browsing a list of topics to write about, I came across the term “submissive wife.” Ouch.
It’s intimidating for me to write on the topic of becoming a submissive wife, because it doesn’t come naturally.
Why? Because I can be extremely stubborn when I think I know what is best.
(Maybe you struggle with this, too?)
We love, respect, and trust our husbands. But, we also have a side that thinks we know best – and we want to do things our way.
So, what should those of us do who are submissively-challenged as wives? How can we learn to submit to our husbands?
To begin, we need to learn what true biblical submission really is.
Special Note: Most importantly, make sure your life is submitted to God first. If you want to make sure you are a child of God (a Christian, ready for heaven), read our post How to Be Saved According to the Bible. There are lots of misguided teachings surrounding this topic!
What is submission in marriage? (according to Galatians 5)
Even though I am far from a picture-perfect example of submission, this study is beneficial for me and I hope it encourages you, too.
First, does the bible say wives should submit to their husbands?
We often answer this question from the knee as it lunges forward in a Kung Fu-style reaction, kicking the male chauvinism back with a resounding NO!
But, we cannot escape the fact that the Bible clearly teaches submission to husbands in Ephesians 5.
No matter how you feel about the topic, lay aside any bias at the altar of trust in God and see what the Bible says about wives submitting to their husbands.
When taken in context (Ephesians 5:22-33), you will come away recognizing there is providential balance and mutual respect in the Biblical marriage relationship.
Let’s begin with verse 22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
And what is the original definition of the word ‘submit’ here? (I got my Greek-scholar husband to help me with this one… here’s our hilarious text volley from that day –
Ok, now that we have that out of the way… back to the Greek word ‘submit.’
ὑποτάσσω – to place yourself under, to cause to be in a submissive relationship, of submission, involving recognition of an ordered structure, of the entity to whom appropriate respect is shown.
– BDAG Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, 3rd Edition
This Greek word “submit” is actually a combination of two words, one word meaning “a position under” and another word meaning “arrange or put in place.”
So we see that true biblical submission is an active role that we choose to take on as wives, to recognize the authority God has set up and to be subject to it. It is not brought about by some chauvinistic man holding a woman under his thumb.
Instead, it takes a spiritually strong woman who realizes the importance of the God-given role of submission. And, a realization that if Jesus himself submitted to the Father’s will out of love, we, too, can submit to our husbands.
The bible instructs husbands, too
A true understanding of the final phrase “as to the Lord” can only be found in Ephesians chapters 1-5:21. The audience who received these instructions were Christians.
The male and female members of the Church in Ephesus had already submitted to the Lord and to each other (Ephesians 5:21).
They found their spiritual forgiveness and blessings in Christ (1:7), their faith and responsibility (2:8-10), God’s wisdom revealed in the Church (3:8-12), their supreme unity (4:1-6) and their Christian path paved in love (5:1-21).
It is in this context that ideally, husband and wife have both already submitted to the Lord. Let’s continue to verses 23-24:
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
Jesus, the head of the Church, gave himself in death for the Church. Jesus was not selfish with this role, and neither can a husband be with his wife!
I love how Drs. Cloud and Townsend put it in the well-known book Boundaries:
Whenever submission issues are raised, the first question that needs to be asked is, What is the nature of the marital relationship? Is the husband’s relationship with his wife similar to Christ’s relationship with the church? Does she have free choice, or is she a slave “under the law”?
– Boundaries, p. 168
So, the healthy context for biblical submission happens when both husband and wife are under the headship of Christ. God gives husbands a responsibility toward their wives, and we as wives have an equally great responsibility toward our husbands.
But what if my husband isn’t a Christian? Do I still need to submit?
Peter handles this exact concept in 1 Peter 3:1-2:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
One way to think of this is “My husband isn’t a Christian…yet.” This must be your daily prayer for him.
It’s possible to submit to a non-Christian husband, as stated in this passage. But, the caveat is that he must know you are submitting to Christ, first and foremost.
Now that we know what it really means to submit according to God’s plan, we must understand how being a submissive wife truly blesses us!
How being a submissive wife blesses you
When God told you to submit to your husband, did you know He actually did so for your own good?
Here’s why submitting to your husband is a blessing:
It takes the pressure off of you.
When we control things ourselves, it may give us a temporary sense of satisfaction. But allowing my husband to lead actually takes a lot of the pressure off me in day-to-day life.
I have enough to worry about with caring for children and completing my other tasks, it is actually a relief to allow my husband to lead and not feel like I have to control every little thing!
It makes you happier to embrace your God-given role.
When God gives us life instructions, it is always for our own good/benefit. According to His design, He knows that living in a state of submission to a loving husband will contribute to your highest state of happiness in marriage.
At the end of Ephesians 5, children are instructed to obey their parents in the Lord. One of the best ways for them to learn this is by observing a devoted mother who submits to her husband, and their father who submits to the heavenly Father.
Your willingness to submit to your children’s earthly father is a real-life model to your kids for how they can submit to the heavenly Father. What a joy!
Not only does a submissive wife bless the entire family unit, it makes her happier, too, knowing she is a vital part of God’s plan.
There is less chance of infidelity & divorce.
When we display a spirit of submission to our husbands in every way we can, this is sure to lead to a calmer and more contented marriage.
This, in turn, increases happiness in relationships and makes infidelity/divorce a lot less likely to occur.
Your husband will likely show his appreciation right back.
When you show your husband how much you are trying to respect his role as leader of your family, chances are that he will be thrilled and shower you with his love and affection in return.
It’s the snowball effect: you start with a small act of kindness, your husband notices and does something kind for you, and the snowball continues to get bigger!
Read Next: 12 Marriage Prayers to Invigorate Your Relationship
You may be thinking, “That’s great, Mary. But how do I become a submissive wife? Especially when I’m not in the habit?”
Thankfully, there are a lots of small things we can do that all add up to showing a spirit of submission.
How can I be the best submissive wife? 5 easy ways
Here are some simple ways we can all show more submission to our husbands, regardless of how easy or challenging it may seem.
1. Brainstorm ways to help him.
Did you know that ‘helper’ is your God-given job description? This means you are divinely-appointed for the task!
Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
In what ways are you uniquely suited to help your husband?
Take a moment to brainstorm. Think about the talents you possess and how you might best use them to bless your husband:
Are you super organized? Make your living space beautiful and help your husband organize his schedule.
Are you a great cook? Use this talent to fix his favorite meals and snacks without him asking. This will make him feel loved!
Are you a people-person? Accompany him to social gatherings and host get-togethers in your home. Make a point to invite his family and work friends over.
Whatever talent you uniquely possess, there is a way for you to use it to the glory of God and the benefit of your husband. Get creative!
Read Next: I’m a Keeper at Home, and Proud of It
2. Make him feel important.
There are so many ways to make your husband feel important and loved. The first step here is knowing your husband’s love language (the Five Love Languages book can be very helpful here!).
Then, knowing how your husband feels best loved and appreciated, work on implementing some new things.
Greet him when we comes home from work, spend more time conversing with him, cook him nutritious meals, fix him lunch, or iron his clothes. These are just some ideas – there are tons of ways to make your husband feel important!
Doing small things for your husband throughout the week adds up and will make your husband feel like he is the most important person in your life.
And cultivating the heart of a servant toward your husband will bless you as well!
One word for mamas: When we have little people with lots of needs, it’s especially challenging to prioritize doing more for your husband. But try, whenever you are able, to put his needs above the needs of the children.
After all, in 18 years the kids will be grown, but marriage is forever.
3. Be selective in how I “instruct” him.
My stubbornness makes it challenging to keep my mouth shut at times. But I’m trying to think before I speak, especially when it comes to instructing him or telling him how he can do things “better.”
This isn’t to say we can’t speak our minds honestly if we see room for improvement – it’s all about the delivery. Speaking with respect (at an opportune moment is even better!), goes a long way toward a submissive spirit.
Read next: What does “Love is Patient, Love is Kind” Really Mean?
4. Practice gratitude for all the things my husband does.
Just taking a moment to think about all the things my husband does for us is sobering.
I think about how hard he works, often to come home and continue to work fixing things around the house. He often helps with dishes and other chores, plays with the kids, takes the time to listen and support me, and even brings me coffee in bed (!).
Take a few moments to mentally list all the wonderful things your husband does in a typical day. Chances are, you’ll be amazed!
And one easy way to show submission to your husband is to verbally state your gratitude to him. Thank him often for his good qualities, and you’ll start to see more of them too.
Oh, and allow your husband to be the protector and provider – it’s his God-given role and he loves it!
5. Pray for God to give you a heart of submission.
The best way to cultivate a submissive spirit? PRAY.
Pray fervently that God will develop a heart of submission in you. If you go through all the motions of helping him, holding your tongue, thanking him, etc., but you don’t cultivate a true heart of submission – it’s all for naught.
In every way, that’s what God wants. Our hearts. And submitting to your husband is a part of that. Pray:
“Lord, help me to submit to my husband. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and I like doing things my way. But I want to please you in this way and I know your plan is best. Please soften and transform my heart so I can submit to my husband the way you want me to. Amen.”
Read next: 10 Prayers for the Christian Wife to Pray for Her Husband
When you do your part to submit to your husband, God sees your heart and will reward you for it — regardless of your husband’s actions.
You also have to trust that what God said is best. Having a submissive spirit may be the total opposite of how you were raised. It’s something you must actively seek as you strive to do God’s will.
Are there other ways you display submission to your husband? Do you agree/disagree? What would you add to this list?
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Super article, Mary. SO needed in our culture and congregations!… and in my home. =)
Thanks for reading Ms. Cindy, this means a lot coming from you. God bless 🙂
Thank you, Mary. I found you from my Google search. Excellent article! Thank you….you are a blessing💖
Truly inspiring,I did not even know I was not submissive. May God help me and every other woman trying to learn to be submissive,Amen. Thank you for pointing all these out and writing. God bless you and increase in wisdom too. I just followed you on Pinterest,kindly follow back. Thank you.
Thank you for inspiring me to become a submissive wife. I struggle with control issues. My father was not a part of my life so growing up with happily married parents and a submissive mother was not part of my upbringing. Therefore I tend to rely a lot on myself and it has definitely caused many problems in my marriage, I have come very close to destroying my marriage. I am in my 50’s now but still desire to be a better wife for the time that God gives me with my husband. So thank you again ❤️
Thank you for sharing your heart Michelle, just prayed for you. And thank you for reading!
This is a topic that’s been on my heart a lot. I too am stubborn and I am easy to irritate. How do you navigate things when you suddenly find out there is going to be a party at your house in 24 hours or when told you have handled a parenting situation incorrectly but there is no other solution offered? These areas are where I really struggle to keep my mouth shut and are often sticking points. Areas where the end result is feeling unsupported and disrespected.
There are difficult moments for sure! None of us are perfect. I think these are moments where prayer and honesty with your spouse are paramount. Blessings!
Thank Thank for this. I struggle to be submissive in our day to day life but I know it’s how things work the very best.
I too have a problem keeping my mouth shut when iam being
Subjected to i’ll treatment but thanks to this information I will co to us to pray ask for forgiveness
I think we can still be honest with our husbands and expect good treatment and respect, while still being respectful to them. Blessings to you.
You should not submit to ill treatment. That’s called abuse, even if it’s verbal. My husband tried to verbally abyse me and manipulate me under the guise of submission, even calling me ungodly for not submitting to his demands. Our husbands are supposed to be giving us LOVING leadership, not demands to give up our hopes, dreams, ministries we serve in, friends, pets or family members or name calling, put downs, him not caring about your needs, and hitting you. Nothing is loving about this type of treatment and it’s not the kind of treatment God meant to exist in marriage. All you can do is get somewhere physically and emotionally safe, get help and pray.
I agree!
It’s best that you DON’T keep your mouth shut when you are being ill treated. This is why I have huge issues with articles like this one. It will make some wives think they have to put up with all sorts of bad behaviour from their husbands.
I agree, if you are being ill treated you should never keep your mouth shut. If you read the full article above, you will see that I made a caveat for unhealthy relationships. It is written in the context of a husband who is loving and respectful to his wife.
Thank you so much for this! It has lead me to a more clear understanding. After growing up with a single mom of 4 girls it’s hard to give up control and leadership. I do sometimes but then fall back into the pattern of taking control. My husband is very laid back and rather me be in charge. So now it’s a battle of how to be submissive without him being so laid back.
I know you can do it Sandy! May God bless you.
My husband dictates what I can and cannot say or do. I have just had to delete Google reviews because I’m not allowed an opinion of use free speech. I find it totally disheartening and if this is having to be submissive then I’d rather be single.
I am sorry Candace, it might be good to look into counseling for your situation? God bless you
If I have an opinion that differs from my husband’s he sees it as a criticism of him personally, not just his ideas. I think our men have a huge need to be right. Perhaps they have self-esteem issues; then again, we must ask ourselves have we caused this and what can we do about it. Of course we are entitled our our opinions, but our husbands will fight for their leadership roles if they feel they have to.’
There is a mutual responsibility of the husband toward the wife as well. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25. We will not understand Ephesians 5:22 (wives submit) without the full context of husbands responsibility toward wives. Just pray for your husband and I encourage you both to study Ephesians chapters 4-6. It helps know that the roles in marriage are in the contexts of all submitting to God first before submitting to one another. I hope this helps.
At 74 years old and married 57 years I have finally found the way to be happier, joy filled and more aware of God’s love for me (us). I was always meant to be under my husband in the submissive wife marriage. I love knowing finally what God’s design for me and my husband in marriage is. I have placed myself whole heartedly in this way of life and living. My husband is still finding his way in this but I know as he sees that this new me is here to stay he will be more confident in leading, guiding and protecting me. I thank God for your blog and your wise council. God bless you richly.
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your marriage!
My husband has cancer . The treatments are going okay, but his cancer is aggressive. He wants me to promise to marry his widowed cousin, if the cancer wins out, so that the kids and I will have covering , be financially secure, etc. He claims that biblically speaking, I need to submit to his wish. Is he right?
God wants us to choose who we marry. The point of marriage is to demonstrate the love of God through the relationship, not something to be taken lightly. If your husband passes (I will pray for him and your family.) and he gives you a dying wish, you can choose to follow it, but since this is an extremely important matter, you should not marry his cousin if you do not love his cousin in that way. A marriage is supposed to be loving, if it is not then you will show the world that marriage is just a legal bond between people who may even despise each other and that is not right. Please consider what I have said. God bless you!
My husband has cancer . The treatments are going okay, but his cancer is aggressive. He wants me to promise to marry one of his cousins, who recently was widowed so that the kids and I will have covering , be financially secure, etc. He claims that biblically speaking, I need to submit to his wish. Is he right?
Prayers for your husband’s healing. While I cannot advise you on this most important decision, I will say that your first allegiance is to God. Submit to Him, study and pray, and follow your heart. He will show you what to do. May God bless you!
Most marriage vows include until death do we part. The marriage “contract/vow ” is over upon the death of either of you. The surviving spouse is completely free to move on. This scripture brings out this truth. Please don’t let anyone control the rest of your life from the grave. The scripture also brings out that once a person passes away so do their thoughts and memories perish.
Romans 7:2, Ps 88:12
Yes, this is true Juliana!
I just stumbled across your blog doing some research on this particular part of the Bible. I haven’t read your other stuff so forgive my ignorance, but do you believe that a married woman’s highest and best use is to support her husband and keep the house/kids? What if a woman wants to be a mother and wife and also have a career of her own? It sounds like your explanation of submission is building your life around his needs, which is not bad in itself but what happens when we want to use our other God-given talents outside of the home?
While I believe that being a Christian wife and mother is the greatest role we can fill, there is nothing wrong with a fulfilling career outside the home. Each family has to decide for themselves what is right for them. God bless!
If I have an opinion that differs from my husband’s he sees it as a criticism of him personally, not just his ideas. I think our men have a huge need to be right. Perhaps they have self-esteem issues; then again, we must ask ourselves have we caused this and what can we do about it. Of course we are entitled our our opinions, but our husbands will fight for their leadership roles if they feel they have to.’
Thanks Mary for this article. I was praying about marriage and a certain gentleman when the spirit of God asked me how ready I was for marriage yesterday. Immediately I closed from Mass, I decided to research on Godly marriages. Submission doesn’t come naturally for me. Where do I start from as a single woman? Do I wait until I get married?
I think we can all practice submission to God first and foremost through obeying His Word, and submission will flow from there! Blessings to you 💗
I have been married for10 years and been so stubborn yet from the beginning my greatest fear was submission. Submission is a serious struggle for me in my marriage resulting with frustrations for the whole family. I have prayed about it before but I keep falling back and just cannot keep and control my mouth. Thank you so much for your guidance. I just want to go into a journey of prayer for my life as a wife and become a real God fearing wife who also serves the Lord as my spiritual life and service to God is adversely affected resulting with so much frustration. At times I feel I have failed I shouldn’t have married but this was God plan for my life. But I sense some depression creep in my spirit. I believe this is God divine intervention for my life because am not made to fail but to conquer in Christ Jesus.
Prayers and blessings to you! None of us are perfect, we keep trying and do the best we can with God’s help!
I want to start off by saying… wow. Thinking about it a little bit, I get the part where you would want to be happy by not being controlling, but being submissive, and then giving tips on how to be submissive if you aren’t already naturally?… Honestly, in my opinion, I can’t imagine being willing to have someone else be dominant/leading in my life, and I don’t understand why anyone would. Trust is important in a relationship… but not being submissive. I would also like to bring up my religious view on this (considering I am a Catholic): If you don’t have a naturally submissive heart, why would you change what God gave you? God gave you a headstrong, independent heart for a reason, so why would you go ahead and change it? It isn’t wrong to be strong in your conviction and not want to bend your will to others’, even if the Bible says so (which was written hundreds of years ago, not that I mean disrespect or anything). I should also ask: What are you teaching your daughters? To accept being secondary in their choices? And what are you teaching your sons? To be dominant and make sure others accept their opinions?
I’m not in a relationship, and I have never been in one. I am not super religious, and I don’t follow everything the Bible says and how it’s written. But I do believe that being submissive is the worst thing you can be in a relationship. If you’re happy, then that’s fine, but I believe (and will always believe, despite if you are a strong-hearted person) that submission is weakness, and that is not something that anyone should accept being. Like I stated before, trust is important in a relationship, but being secondary in your own power?… That is, on all accounts, degrading.
Thank you for all who are reading this, and I wish you luck in your relationships. My advice is if you are naturally a submissive person, that you learn to be stronger in your conviction (unless, of course, you are happy, but even then I would recommend that you don’t strive to be submissive). And if you don’t have a naturally submissive heart… don’t change what God gave you. You should focus on trust, not submission. The only person who you should ever submit to is God, and nobody else. Thank you again.
As I said in the post, Jesus was submissive to the Father and showed us an example. And the fact remains that God commands wives to submit to their husbands. In our society today, there is a misunderstanding of the word submission, and it has a (wrongfully) bad connotation. Being submissive is a godly, wonderful characteristic — not a bad one. Of course we should always obey God first and foremost over any human. And being submissive does not negate the fact that we should strive to be open and honest in our communication with our husbands, and that this relationship should be founded on love and mutual respect. Hope this helps clarify, and may God bless you!
I understand that gut reaction to thinking that submission is bad/negative. That is submission as far as the world sees it, not Biblical submission. Biblical submission is about loving and respecting your partner, putting them above yourself. It is not abusive nor authoritative. Do you view God negatively? As a Christian, God should be the one directing your life/thoughts/actions. It isn’t negative, it is loving and trusting Him! Submission to your husband is the same kind. It isn’t not having a brain, or not voicing your opinion, or being treated badly. That is not the biblical marriage God designed. It is a mutual love and respect. I hope that you will research more on the topic and try to differentiate between worldly submission and biblical submission. They are completely different.
I’ve been married for nearly 19 years to a godly man and I know our relationship has been far from perfect. I know a great deal of the not perfect has been my fault.
So tonight my husband says to me, “I have never felt you are my wife.” He said that I’ve never let him in. It was like a kick in the gut and it’s soooo sad, but unfortunately it is true. I told him it’s because I don’t trust anyone but God and I trust women more than men.
I have major trust issues. Plus I am a total control freak. I’ve sought to control most aspects of our relationship for our whole marriage. It’s not been a good thing. So I looked online and found your blog because my life has to change. I have to allow God to have and keep total control of my life. I have submit myself to my husband’s authority so he sees I’m different.
You see I’ve tried to change before but it’s never stuck. I am never consistent. My husband compares me to a roller coaster. I truly believe I have dealt with the root of the issue this time, but I still need prayer. I know I cannot do this in my own. Old habits die hard.
So anyone who is willing, pray. Pray I will submit and treat my husband with the respect God calls me to give him.
Thank you so much for sharing, Karrie! I will pray for you and your relationship with your husband to flourish!
I have been married to my second husband for 6 years. My first husband passed away in 2001. My husband believes in God and the Bible but is not saved. He is verbally abusive and also mentally at times. I have prayed to the Lord for him. I am considering leaving due to his narcissistic treatment. I prayed for a more submissive spirit, however it’s difficult not to lash back at him when he curses me out and says cruel things. What does God say about being obedient to your husband when they are abusive? He doesn’t hit me, but he let’s me know during an argument that he is the only one who should be raising his voice. I have a hard time not yelling back, especially when I know he is wrong! My question is how do I respond when he yells and says hurtful things to me? Just ignore him? I desire to still obey my husband because God commands it as his wife, however it really hurts me and makes me cry. Please advise me as I want to save my marriage 💑, yet also want to be living in peace. By the way, my husband doesn’t think we need counseling. He is stubborn and thinks I have a problem, not him! Please help! I don’t want to disobey God by not obeying my husband but at the same time my heart is breaking 💔😢.
I’m so sorry to hear this Amy! Just said a prayer for you. I know you said your husband doesn’t want counseling. But could you go by yourself? Maybe a Christian counselor could help you navigate this tough situation. Other than that, all I can say is to keep praying, keep loving him, while also keeping yourself safe. Sending hugs.
Am back here to say thank you to him for the restoration and peace he brought back to my home. I will forever grateful to him.
This article is fantastic but I wish there was more about how we are to submit to our husband’s sexually. We really should never deny our husband’s desire for us. Even on the days I don’t feel much like having sex, I feel satisfaction knowing I am giving myself unselfishly to my husband in accordance with God’s Word. If my husband is sexually satisfied you wouldn’t believe how sweet he can be. I know wives don’t feel like sex most of the time, but just try it every night for a week!!!! You will notice a smile on your hubby’s face and a spring in his step. And that alone is enough to convince me that sexual submission is the key to a happy marriage. Thank you so much for posting this , you make the Lord proud !!! Lexi
I just came back from a prayer session where I was convicted about submission. This piece is just for me! Am still praying and trusting God for a new heart
I choose from today to be submissive! The benefits are all mine,amen
Thanks Mary, for your sincerity & practical exposition.
Opeoluwa, from Nigeria
Thanks Mary. Great and Good staff. I am blessed, empowered and encouraged. I will teach other women or mothers what I have learned from you.
From Margaret
You may have literally saves my marriage tonight and I from the bottom of my heart thank you. I have been through a lot of abandonment and hurt in my life and me and my ex husband reconciled a month after our divorce was final and I have been resilient and have fought for my place in his heart bc I’m hurt I am no longer labeled his wife and it has caused issues. He almost walked out on me tonight and I bawled knowing I am doing wrong and messing it up. I begged for a chance to truly be a better wife and this helped me recognize how I was not doing right by him: I am going to continue to pray and ask for forgiveness but I want to thank you for sharing even though it’s not easy. You saved me and my family tonight.
Glory to God! I’m so thankful! Sending prayers and hugs
This article is very helpful. But I have a question. How can I let my husband be the provider if his earning is not enough for the family? I am a working mom (I am in the office for 9 to 12 hrs/day) my salary is double than his. Our combined income is enough to cover our family’s needs and for our future.
It is actually my heart’s desire to be a full-time housewife but his small earning hinders it, that’s how I look at it.
Thanks in advance for your advise.
Every family has to do what is best for their unique situation. ❤️ Sending best wishes
i am sad that a whole theology of submissiveness has been built around a few verses that were taken out of context.
why isn’t the verse about being single elevated since paul praised that life style also. and why do we love dogs like we do when the bible has nothing good to say about them and there are dozens of verses proving it.
eve was adam’s equal in all ways. her name ezer kenegdo means equal power.
jesus broke the patriarchal rules of the time just by speaking to women and allowing them into his presence. when mary sat at the feet of jesus, martha was angry not because she had to do all the work but for a woman to listen to religious teaching was breaking all sorts of rules of the time. women just did NOT sit in to listen to teaching yet jesus told martha to cool it.
patriarchy is the backdrop of the bible (like camels, deserts, togas, sheep and shephered, etd) not the point of it.
in patriarchal sites rules are directed mainly at women, including micromanaging rules and some rules that say men can spank disobedient wives. and often these rules conflict.
it was church councils that voted to keep women down, took away them being deacons and even if they had souls and allowing men to beat their wives if they were disobedient or for whatever.
to see what submission really does to women read recoveringgrace.org and the stories of women abused by following what bill gothard claimed is god’s will for women.
husband and wife are co-equals and that is what god originally meant. there is no such thing as a disobedient wife.
God created women and men are equal in value, but their design and roles are different. The bible in no way makes men more valuable than women, and God’s intent was for submission to actually be a blessing to women. Sadly some people have twisted and abused God’s original design. But we cannot ignore the fact that the bible does in fact command wives to submit to their husbands, and also for husbands to love their wives. Both parties need to be in God’s word and showing one another the love of Christ, which makes for a heavenly marriage.
This really addressed an issue I have been struggling with for years. May God grant me a submissive heart. Thanks for sharing. God bless you
Thank You for this information! I’m a 79 year old woman who has been happily married 31 years. All of my adult life I have been independent and have had to fight for myself. It is just now that I want desperately to become a submissive wife and become a HOLY woman of God and BOY, am I struggling with it!!! But I know with God’s help, I WILL SUCCEED! Thank you for your help!
Hi, Susan raised a valid point about Paul advising against marriage. I know that scripture too well. Could we talk about that as well? Because truly like the Apostle said.. those who get married fall into hard times…..
Just what I needed!! Right on time. Thank you for this!
Being a late comer believer of my family with a wife who is a victim of sin and doesn’t actively believe, which shows it’s difficult from both “sides” if that’s your perspective. I hope/pray one day my wife will believe and allow God’s directives to fall in place, which includes loving obedience. However, I also understand that I settled into a marriage union with her by following my own sin and have fully accepted the consequences of that sin in the form of living within a difficult relationship (see Genesis 3 re. enmity). Those speaking about Paul’s thoughts of singleness is true, but you have to start there. Once you choose to enter into God’s marriage, you are held to those standards as a believer whether you understood it back then or not. The only justifiable biblical release is through adultery or abandonment, plus the legal means of abuse. How that is defined to you will be left to your convictions and God will eventually judge accordingly. I’ve learned there is purpose in pain and trials that may not specifically be targeting you. What we should be doing as believers is showing that Holy example to others, regardless of how those others are treating us. That’s doesn’t mean being a doormat, but it does mean acting in a manner that God would be pleased of first instead of reacting from our emotion first. That part is very hard for me, still working, but I trust in His message of love and patience first these days and stay in His word to ease my mind. I pray for those who struggle in their marriage.
I am not married but a friend of mine and I were talking and this topic of submission in marriage came up. I didn’t realize I was viewing submission in such a worldly sense, thinking that men were automatically better than women because we are called to submit to our husbands. That thought was really bothering me, but reading this article really helped with that. Specifically when you said that if Jesus submitted to the Father in love, then we can (and should) submit to our husbands also. I just thought that was so beautiful because Christ and the Father are One, they are equal. Submission does not mean you are less than or unequal, it simply means you intentionally put the other person above yourself. As you explained, it is “to place yourself under.” It’s kind of like how we submit to government authority; the government workers are not better than or higher than the rest of us, yet we submit ourselves to their authority & rules so that society maintains the proper order. It is the same in marriage…we submit to our husbands because that is the proper order God made. The only Person we submit to that is actually better than us is the Lord
Long story short…thank you for writing this article and allowing the Lord to use you!
You summed this up perfectly! Thank you for the great comment!
Thanks for the post.
Quick question about the five tips you listed.
How are there specific to a woman dealing with her husband?
It seems to me that they could equally apply to what a godly husband would to do make her wife happy.
So, what would you say makes woman submission specific?
The Bible encouraged wives to be submissive to their husbands while also stating that men should love their wives and not the other way round. Naturally, women like to be loved and cared for while men like to be respected and God has successfully laid down a guideline for both aspects. We sometimes seem to mix up the term submission with subjection; they are entirely different. You will be happier in your marriage as a submissive wife without having to subject yourself to physical, emotional and/or verbal abuse.
Also, thank you Mary for this beautiful piece❤👏
Thank you Mary for this post. I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful husband. I was raised with the idea of being an independent woman and to be critical, so I easily criticized my husband for things he wasn’t doing good enough. After a couple years in marriage, I realized that in order to improve our relationship, I had to be more of a cheerleader to my husband . It did wonders! We are supporting each other now fully and I tell him frequently how grateful I am for him and the things he does for me. It makes him smile and encourages him to do ever more things for me out of free will and Vice versa. Funny that I was so resistant to being submissive when I was younger. Such a big fan now! Lucky to have such a great husband too.
That’s so wonderful to hear! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Mary for addressing this controversial topic. This subject is a challenge for most women including Christians as a result of the feminist approach that the world promotes. I really needed this explanation from God’s view point! It all makes sense now!
What if a husband is taking the submissive role in the marriage? Is that just spiritual and mental laziness on his part?
What if a husband takes the submissive role in a marriage. Is that spiritual and mental laziness on his part? Just curious…